These days, it’s easy to get your IELTS checked online for free, and it takes just a few seconds.
However, the problem with these free online essay checkers is that they are generated by A.I. (Artificial Intelligence).
A.I. essay checkers can correct your grammar and tell you how many times you’ve repeated the same word but they mostly they take a very superficial look at your essay.
Although they are a good way to start identifying areas that you can improve, they are often very inaccurate.
The feedback is ‘generic’, meaning it’s the same for everyone, and not specific to your needs. Their understanding of IELTS band criteria is also limited. So the feedback is not detailed enough to help you improve your score.
In the comments below, you can see me give quick reasons why candidates are missing the Band 7 score they need.
UPDATE
I’m sorry I had more submissions than I expected, so I am not offering feedback at the moment.
FAQ: Is this feedback right for me?
My feedback will help you if you’ve taken the IELTS Writing test several times, and cannot understand why you’re not getting Band 7.
If you haven’t taken the test yet, it’s better for you to get some basic feedback from an online IELTS essay checker (A.I. or human, free or paid) while you’re preparing.
IMPORTANT! Check your writing before you submit
The aim of my feedback is NOT to check your grammar or spelling. You can do that for free, using any AI tool.
If there are too many grammar mistakes, that’s why you’re not getting Band 7.
Also, do a word count check – many of the problems I’ve seen so far come from students writing TOO MANY WORDS, which leads to more grammar mistakes. Stay below 320 WORDS absolute maximum.
No more than one submission per person please.
Terms and Conditions
By submitting your essay, you agree to let me share it on my website and make a YouTube video with my corrections. You can choose to remain completely anonymous.
About me
I’m Fiona, an IELTS coach with over 30 years of teaching experience.
I help students get their best IELTS score in a less stressful and more enjoyable way.
I have put all of my knowledge, skills, materials and training into the Members Academy, and it has helped hundreds of learners get the score they need to move on in their busy lives.
Learn more about how I can help you.
Hi MiKA
Here is the website that I recommend for getting IELTS Writing Feedback:
https://ieltswritingpro.com/?aff=9koEo
Best wishes
Fiona
Hi Saurav
Here is the website that I recommend for getting IELTS Writing Feedback:
IELTS Writing Pro
Best wishes
Fiona
QUESTION-
Today, the high sales of popular goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
ANSWER-
Advertisements have played a major role in influencing people’s choice of products irrespective of their needs. In this essay I would like to discuss my opinion in favour of the said statement.
The recent advance in technologies has made the internet an easily accessible source. The Internet and its various search engines have been flooded with numerous advertisements done by celebrities. and their innumerable admirers fall for this tactic and end up buying products which might not be of use to them. For instance, in a recent interview a renowned cricketer was seen drinking a particular beverage which led to a drastic increase in the sales of that beverage. Many such instances have been noted which have led to overwhelming sales of a particular product just because a famous celebrity was seen using it or advertising it.
In addition, advertisements displayed on televisions which has been one among the oldest modes of advertising and is still quite popular among elderly and children. In the past, newspapers were used predominantly but in the present with increasing number of platforms to showcase products they are not as popular anymore. Furthermore, many apps have mandatory ads which cannot be skipped and thus forcing people to watch them. This could also contribute to many wishful purchases.
Subsequently, advertisements target peoples insecurities and make tonnes of money out of them. Many times, the contents of these ads are quite racist and demeaning. For instance, fairness cream ads that portray a dark-skinned person turning fair buy using the fairness cream. They promote racism and make people who are dark skinned feel inferior. Another exploited area includes products which focus on weight loss. They showcase that loss of excess fat is possible by drinking a particular tea or wearing a particular material. Many fall prey to them and get disheartened when they don’t work.
As of late, many companies have been paying popular blogger, you tubers and vlogger to review and advertise their products, especially their latest gadgets. At times their reliability can be questionable but most of the time they seem legit. However, even this can contribute to an increasing number of unwanted purchases especially among gadget freaks.
In conclusion, even though advertising has its benefits, in my opinion the drawback outweighs the benefits. Many industries have thrived using advertisements to attract people into buying their product even when not required.
Hi Merlin
Many thanks for your submission
I think the main area keeping you from Band 7 is the length (396 words instead of 250 – 300), which can cause all sorts of issues for high-level learners.
I’ve explained more in an email,
Best wishes
Fiona
Hi Nilo. There’s a lot of good language her but looking just at the first 3 lines, as an examiner I would think that this student is not Band 7 because:
1. ‘Waste’ is uncountable so ‘waste IS produced’ – that’s given in the question
2. ‘the consumerism lifestyle’ – no article needed, no ‘lifestyle’ (wrong collocation). Just say ‘consumerism’ or ‘consumerist lifestyle’
3. Present Perfect – wrong tense – ‘is a way of life’ or maybe ‘has become a way of life’ or simply leave it out
Then
– article error (‘the strict laws’ – you mean ‘laws’ in general so no ‘the’). Articles often keep students below 7 if it not just occasional.
‘passed to individuals’ (delete ‘to individuals’ – simply ‘strict laws should be passed’)
– collocation error (‘shoulder more recycling’ – you mean ‘shoulder the responsibility of recycling’)
First impressions that might keep you from 7:
1. half of their daytime
2. wish for
3. reasons to (for)
4. the impact of (being) caged.
No clear opinion in the introduction.
You’re welcome.
I can’t see any reason why this wouldn’t get Band 7+. ‘will be fair’ in the intro is not quite right – ‘is fairer’?
You’re welcome.
Climate change is a big environmental problem that has become critical in the last couple of decades. Some people claim that humans should stop burning fossil fuels and use only alternative energy resources, such as wind and solar power. Others say that oil, gas and coal are essential for many industries, and not using them will lead to economic collapse.
What is your opinion?
Support your point of view with relevant examples.
It is argued that nations should restrict the burning of fossil fuels and focus on only using energy from more sustainable sources as a way of battling our negative impact on the environment. Others claim that oil, gas and coal are critical for a majority of businesses and that restricting the usage to a minimum would be harming the worldwide economy. This essay totally agrees that we should expand the use of natural resources and will describe why below.
Firstly, as the global population steadily increases, so does the environmental footprint. It is important that we find effective ways to source energy that are kind to our planet by using never ending resources such as wind energy and solar power. For example, if all cars used energy derived from solar power, there would be a massive decrease in pollution in big cities resulting in cleaner air and less sour rainfall that could harm vegetation.
Secondly, by making sustainable energy resources a main priority, opportunities to identify points of improvement would appear. Technology that is used frequently is more likely to become better due to the fact that there would be more insights on the products in question. For instance, a company selling solar panels would benefit from a large number of customers since that would generate a lot of constructive criticism on their items, leading to great product improvements.
In conclusion, restricting the usage of fossil fuels for extracting energy is a critical part of decreasing the negative impact on the planet caused by humanity. Moreover, there should be focus on using more sustainable sources of energy since that would not only improve our impact on climate change, but also the technology and methods used for alternative energy resources.
I can’t find anything much in the language here that would keep you from Band 7 (sour rainfall?). I’m not sure you answered the second part of the question – are fossil fuels essential for industry? Will the economy collapse without them? I can’t find an answer to that, so your Task Achievement might not be 7.
Thanks for your feedback, that is very helpful.
I felt confident that sour rainfall was an expression used in english since it is in swedish but after some research I realise that there is no such thing in the english language. So I won’t use that again, that’s for sure.
Will definitely analyse my future questions in more depth to make sure I cover all aspects of it 🙂
Thanks
That’s interesting – ‘acid rain’ I guess?
Question – Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Answer –
Quite a few of the population agree to the notion that music is a great way of harmonizing people of different races, ethnicities, nations, and beliefs. And I for one, feel the same.
Music has always been a huge part of the human entrainment and creativity. No matter the mood or the feels, a good beat is an added boost to it all. Personally, I believe, everything in life is incomplete without music. Since childhood we all have been using music to unite and socialize. From those sweet melody of twinkle twinkle in pre-school to the upbeat EDMs in parties or concerts.
I originally live by the saying that music is an universal language. No matter if you understand the lyrics or not, somehow your mind picks up the emotions being portrayed and you just get hooked right into it. A good tune is something which makes you feel certain emotions, and it is those feeling that connects you with people. Be it listening to a romantic song reminiscing old love, or tuning onto an soft lofi beat to focus, it is always about the emotions and what you felt in the moment.
Now-a-days, thanks to the technological advancements, listening to music from all over the world has been fairly accessible. This gives a good opportunities for the nations to spread their cultures too. For example, the recent Korean wave bought in by a very famous band has increased the people’s interest in the said country, their food, their lifestyle, and every little mundane thing about them. This has bought in a positive impact on the nation in global upfront, be it in terms of economy, politics, trade or public image.
Even scientifically too, music has been creating a huge impact on our brain. A lot of scientists have proved to the fact that listening to the music do help us de-stress, increase dopamine level of the body, elevate our mood, and in general uplift the overall mental health of a person. While making music, enhances the left brain activity, opens up the creative side, enriches one’s vocabulary, adds on to the emotional intelligence and may such more.
All in all, I would say music is fairly accurate to way to socialize and bring together people of vast diversities. It not only helps us to connect with people miles away, understand different cultures and traditions, but also has proven effect on our well-being. In conclusion, a good melody, touches our heart, reaps into our soul and bordens our mind.
Hi Yashvi
– Reduce the number of words first (it’s way over-length)
– Put it through a grammar checker
– Resubmit
Some people think that environmental problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it is better to deal with them nationally.
Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Certain individuals argue that it is more desirable to manage environmental issues nationally, whereas other people favor a global one. Although many of these problems occur in specific countries, I believe that some may spread to other locations eventually, so a universal approach ought to be considered.
On the one hand, those who are in support of a country combating issues affecting its environment say that several of such incidents happen within particular countries. In other words, not all countries are prone to the same problems, so, why burden those that are not affected? For example, Western nations are earthquake prone, which is rare in African countries, and, therefore, those not predisposed should face other pertinent matters. However, I think that addressing them on a federal basis is not a good ideal because some countries may lack the funds required, and this is the reason why United Aids that are given.
On the other hand, some believe that these environmental problems ought to be approached globally because they may ultimately reach other parts of the world. That is to say, each country does not exist in isolation, and they are connected to each other geographically, so these issues are better attended to internationally rather than nationally. For instance, global warming, which is melting the Antarctica, is causing the sea level to rise in several coastal regions, consequently, there is flooding seen in many regions of the world. For this reason, I believe that if they are dealt with worldwide, there will be a quick solution to many of these issues.
In conclusion, despite the occurrence of most environmental issues at a national level, I am of the opinion that they should be handled globally because some may eventually spread and affect other parts of the world.
Great essay. Red flags:
1. Paraphrasing the question with odd synonyms (individuals = only a few people)
2. Repetition and using some odd synonyms to say the same thing repeatedly e.g. nationally, global, countries, locations, countries, countries, countries, universal, federal, countries, globally, country internationally, nationally, global, worldwide, regions, regions, national, globally
3. articles: melting the Antarctica, causing the sea level to rise
4. vagueness – should face other pertinent matters? (Explain)
Some people think that environment problems should be solved on a global scale while others believe it better to deal with them nationally. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
Climate change had become the major concern in this present situation due to its unpredictable rains and other influencing factors. Many of the people are thinking that these environmental problems should be resolved globally. While some other thought it will be better if we solve them within our country. Personally, I am in favor of former view.
Convincing arguments made that solving the problems on large scale will help in decreasing the effect on world. The main reason for the disturbances in the living world are due to the difference in precipitations, pollution of water and air. Firstly, cutting down the tress for production of paper is resulting to fall sunlight directly on to the ground surface and causing huge evaporation rates. As a result the rainfalls are becoming unpredictable and causing damage to agricultural lands and to its yield. Moreover with this effect, heavy floods and soil erosion is taking place. Secondly, the vehicles that are being used today are releasing harmful gases into atmosphere and making air pollution. Through this ozone layer depletion came into picture and allowing the sun rises to fall intensively. Lastly, the industries are discharging there waste into the water that caused water pollution. This water is been transmitted to local areas through pipes and resulted in making country suffer. So I believe that the change in whole nation will ultimately leads to healthy surroundings.
However on the other side, solving issues within ourselves can only help for small change. The present conditions are not being constant and predictable. People are changing there thoughts with respect to there circumstances. Even if it happens here other counties may fill the change. Moreover, to improve the conditions and to make a friendly nature small scale does not impact globally.
In the summary, I would concede that taking responsibility for our own country does not result in decreasing globally. Despite taking actions on pollution, predictions world widely will definitely influence the climatic problems. Overall, I am convinced the change in terms of globally.
Hi Sruthi. I gave you feedback below. It’s one essay per student thank you,
Best wishes
Fiona
Question: Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
It is considered by some people that having a job should be out of passion they chase, whilst others regard being employed is for means to earn money. This essay will discuss both points of view prior to a reasonable conclusion.
Firstly, having a job or being self-employed due to an interest is no doubt rewarding. As people tend to find enjoyment doing things they like, they incorporate it in their job as well. Moreover, nowadays people have been resigning from their corporate jobs in pursue of their passion, such as becoming a farmer, freelance artists, or even digital creator. Despite the delight in the work, it does not come without risks of instability to their more self-governed decision.
In contrast, living a life as a corporate employee, for example, by the means to make ends meet, is no doubt to be pressuring and stressful. Doing what is obliged adds more stress to the work, though accomplished, eventually drains people and drive them to physical and emotional exhaustion. Despite the fact, it is no doubt that working in a company, for instance, has a good amount of salary that can sustain their livelihood. They consider that it only takes a will to work to earn that much of a sum.
In conclusion, workings out of passion and need to earn money have their own positive and negative impacts on people. No matter what a person does to make a living, their physical, emotional, and financial well-being should be taken into consideration.
(Side note: I have also tried AI-based essay checkers and it’s true they give mixed results!)
Hi Grace – yes indeed the AI checkers are not great!
Ok so just by reading the intro, you won’t get 7 because:
1. You’re paraphrasing the question – this causes mistakes like ‘out of passion they chase’ and the second part of that sentence is wrong (2 verbs).
2. You don’t give your opinion – you use memorised language instead.
3. In the next paragraphs the linking words are mechanical with some misuse and overuse (Band 6).
Thank you for your feedback! You’re right…there are a couple of points I missed in this type of question and it’s really REALLY helpful that you pointed them out.
Can I submit another essay in this question type?
Hi Grace
I’m glad you found it helpful. I’m only doing one per student at the moment as I’m trying to catch up with the submissions.
Thanks for your reply!
Best wishes
Fiona
In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care.
Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Some would say that aged people in Britain prefer to stay at the old aged homes where they can be taken care of, in terms of money which sometimes is taken care by the state authority. While others debate whether finances should be managed by government or by their family. In my opinion, this should be government’s responsibility as they can monitor all levels of people irrespective of their situations.
In growing ages, people prefer to be more social and expect to be near more humans. The children are mostly involved in their personal life for growth and may not be able to give proper time to their parents due to their hectic schedules. This further impacts the well being of their parents as sufficient time is not given to their health. While care is expected to be handled by children however I believe it creates lot of pressure on people to look into multiple things for their loved ones. For example, senior citizens in USA find it difficult to manage their welfare due to high medical costs and multiple doctor checkups.
However, the aged friendly areas are staffed with multiple medical practitioners who can further help out older generation well. The number of staff members and multiple service facilities helps people to stay there without much hassle. The monetary charges if handled by the state institutions will help them out and will also help every member equally irrespective of their financial state. In my opinion, helping hand from the government can drastically ease out their tensions and support them to live in a better way. In Canada, government has provided free medical benefits and helped large number of people to get the problems fixed.
Older generations would eventually follow the trend to move into the age friendly areas to have people to take care of them. Although, this seems to be debatable for the people to pay for the costs but I recommend this should be looked after by government for better affordability and ease of living.
Hi Susan
I would run this through a grammar checker first. Also it’s too long – this will produce more grammar errors so rewrite it so that it’s under 300 words.
Best wishes
Fiona
Your local public library wants to make improvements to their services and facilities. In order to get ideas from the public, they have asked library users to send them suggestions in writing.
Write a letter to the librarian. In your letter
• describe what you like about the library
• say what you don’t like
• make suggestions for improvements.
Dear Sir/ Madam,
I would like to share few suggestions regarding the public library in order to improve its quality and structure.
Personally, I really admire the accessibility of our facility as it is placed right in the middle of the city and near to our college area which helps everyone to visit the place without much hassle. In addition to it, the availability is another plus point as one can access it 24×7.
Although there is one issue with the building which I do not appreciate, that is the lighting and other electrical equipments in the institution. The wiring and the appliances used are quite old which often leads to malfunctions in air conditioners and light sources and further becomes difficult for a reader to stay there for long periods.
I would highly recommend to get the electrical wiring fixed with latest technological equipments which will improvise the reading facility. Another thing to be considered is to have a small place like pantry in order to have quick snacks and drinks to go for the students who are staying there for longer time.
I look forward hearing from you.
Kind regards
Adam
1. Tone inconsistency in places might keep you from 7 e.g. it is placed (over-formal) ‘without hassle’ ’24/7′ (colloquial)
2. Linking words – ‘although’ is wrong.
3. Referencing – in addition to it
4. Recommend + ing
With increase global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more resources.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
To harness more fossil fuel, the regions of the world that have not been harnessed ought to be opened up because of the increasing global demand for oil and gas. I strongly disagree with this statement because fossil fuels will eventually be depleted, and the more detrimental effects they will have on the climate.
One of the reasons why I completely disagree with opening up more areas to access more resources is because they will be ultimately used up. In other words, fossil energy is not a renewable form of energy, which means that when used to power machines it burns to release by-products that cannot be transformed into another form of energy for reuse. As a result, even if more resources are gotten from undiscovered areas, they will not be sustainable, and sooner or later the world will run out of these energy forms. For example, Nigeria, which is one of the world’s top crude oil exporters, has been drilling more new oil rigs because the previous ones have been exhausted, and despite the new ones the global demand has not been met.
Another reason why I do not agree is that the more resources are used as petroleum products, the more climate change the world will experience. That is to say, the more carbon dioxide generated from burning of petrol or gasoline, the more the impact of global warming. Therefore, there will be an increase in draught, flooding and other conditions resulting from a rise in atmospheric temperature. For instance, a recent research carried out in America revealed that the temperature of the atmosphere has risen by about 0.8C in the past decade, and this has had a harmful effect on the world.
In conclusion, the two reasons why I totally do not agree with accessing more areas for fossil fuels to meet the global needs of oil as well as gas is that these energy forms are not only non-renewable but also, they adversely affect the climate.
Hi Esther. Lots of good things here, especially the vocab. Why would this miss a 7? Here’s what I saw in the first 3 lines
1. Your general statement (1st line) expresses an opinion as if it’s yours (‘ought to be opened up’), and then you completely disagree with it. That’s confusing for the reader, and it’s unclear what you agree/disagree with.
2. Repetition: ‘to harness… have not been harnessed’ and you keep repeating the question in different ways – this makes it overlength (331 words)
3. Use of ‘the more’ in Line 3 of the intro is wrong, suggesting you don’t have control over the complex grammar you need for band 7 (ambitious but inaccurate for Band 6).
Question: Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find
a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Solution: Nowadays change in climate is resulting a huge damage to the world, while some people are thinking that inspite of stopping it we could rather search a new way to survive with it. However I completely disagree with this statement. The two arguments for the disagreement and a counter argument will be discussed below with a conclusion.
Weather fluctuations can be prevented by taking measures to control pollution. For instance vehicles like cars, busses, autos and other motors are releasing a greater amount of smoke containing co2 into atmosphere and making the air polluted with the harmful gases. These gases were reaching the earth’s atmospheric layers and causing damage to ozone layer. So I believe that minimizing these causes can reduce the weather changing effects and can live healthily.
Moreover, reducing the rate of deforestation can improve the atmosphere conditions. Cutting down the trees will cause the sunlight to fall direct on the earth surface which results in evaporation then precipitation in uneven seasons. Recently India is been suffering from heavy rainfalls irrespective of the periods due to the removal of plants and trees in the forest. So preventing the greenery area from cutting can change the climatic conditions.
In contrast, the population is growing rapidly for every year which is causing shortage of land and is resulting in removing forests to replace it with cities and towns. Due to this result, it is showing a greater impact on seasons and showing variations in rainfalls and other aspects.
In conclusion, the prevention of dramatic changes in climate can be controlled by following proper instructions in using motors and other machines. And also removing deforestation process can help in redeveloping the climate naturally so that we can live through it.
Hi Sruthi. Here are the first 3 things in the Introduction I noticed that will keep you from Band 7:
1. Grammar mistakes e.g resulting a huge damage, people are thinking, survive with it
2. Linking word mistakes e.g. ‘while’ and ‘inspite of’
3. Memorised and meaningless line 3.
Question: Some people claim that not enough of the waste from homes is recycled.
They say that only way to increase recycling is for governments to make it a legal requirement.
To what extent do you think laws are needed to make people recycle more of their waste?
Recycling of home waste should be considered by the government as legalization has persistently been a topic of dispute among people. Some people consider that amount of recycling from each home today is not meet the government’s expected goal and for that reason, the government should force the public to recycle their home and kitchen waste by establishing a law. I agree with this notion and I will propagate my opinion from this point of view in the following paragraphs.
Firstly, today’s world has been agonized by wars, global warming by industry and unlimited consumption of petrol and electricity, deforestation, and other issues caused by human beings. Most scientists believed that our world urgently needs relief to recover from such kinds of injuries made by our stupidities. The recycling of waste which is a by-product of a household can act as a catalyst for our earth. Government should respond and attribute this concept to people and expound on global warming and the pros and cons of waste recycling.
But the harsh truth is, in reality, people do not care about their trash bin as there is no evident laws or regulations established by the government. As the nature of humans, they are still careless about the environment like their ancestors. Therefore, the government must introduce a small fine and some punishments based on how they collect their waste and how they recycle them. Also, the government should give advice and guidelines to the public on how to follow the rules regarding this.
Conclusively, we might say that rules and regulations are the heart of the human race and they divided us from other animals; as we all know, the most responsible one is ourselves to revive the greenery of our planet. Furthermore, to achieve this, recycling waste is the only option with less expensive way, therefore, legal rules are undoubtedly required.
Hi Nanda. Here’s what I spotted in the first 3 lines that would stop you from getting Band 7:
1. The first line is grammatically wrong and therefore difficult to follow.
2. Some basic grammar mistakes – Missing article in line 2 (the amount) – Does not meet (not ‘is not meet’)
3. Collocation mistakes: propagate* an opinion
The introduction is too long (80 words). Simplify.
Question: Some people feel that crime can be reduced by increasing police numbers while others believe that social upliftment, such as better education and housing, will bring crime rates down.
As criminals are a danger to society, governments persistently feel anxious about them and make efforts to drop the crime figures, but this is still a controversial issue internationally. There is a common argument that expanding police stations results in a falling crime rate, whereas some are against this idea and feel that upgrading social aspects of life can be more efficient. In this essay, I will examine both sides; however, I will claim that improving social conditions is the best way to lower crime rates.
A growing number of people argue that the more police station, the fewer criminals in society. The reason for this opinion is based on the idea that in this situation, offenders can be controlled and prevented from committing crimes more strictly. Apart from difficulties in training a significant number of police officers, one issue with this is the fact that an exorbitant amount of salaries should pay to security forces, resulting in rising taxes for citizens and losing opportunities to invest in other crucial fields for governments.
On the other hand, Many people are of the opinion that improving the social quality of life can be a practical way to cope with lawbreakers. It is their view that most offenders commit a crime to compensate for their lack in real life, and some corruption is rooted in social factors. Therefore, if governments start teaching citizens about moral principles, social rules, etc., humanity will be affected well.
In a nutshell, the idea of employing more police officers is too costly and energy-consuming. For these reasons, I strongly agree with social uplifting as a means to diminish crime statistics.
Thanks for your submission Mahdieh. There is a lot of high-level, accourate writing in this response.
Here are 3 things that might keep you from Band 7:
1. Introduction: Too long (86 words) Difficult to follow because there are too many over-complex sentences (as…and…but…whereas…and…however). The linking is not always logical e.g. ‘however’ – there’s no contrast, so you don’t need ‘however’. Misuse of ‘whereas’.
2. Collocations and precision e.g. to drop the crime figures (reduce, lower), expanding police stations (you mean police numbers)
3. Referencing: e.g. what is the ‘controversial issue’ you refer to in the first line? Why is it ‘still’ a controversial issue?
I suspect that you’re following the advice of paraphrasing the introduction – I disagree with this advice. Simplify your introduction.
Best wishes
Fiona
Learning is a process which never ends, we keep learning throughout our lives. Many people opine that learning is more effective in a group rather than learning alone. The essay will discuss why it completely supports the aforementioned statement.
To begin with, team work has proven to be an effective way to reach a desired goal. There are justifiable evidences which state that team work not only makes achieving a task easier, but also helps in building good relationships among individuals within a team. A pilot study done in the USA further strengthens the claims which highlights the significance of group work over working alone. A group consists of people from different study backgrounds and cultural outlook, and their approach towards a problem may vary from each other. But, this significantly helps increase a person’s understanding about a situation and his ability to tackle the issue.
However, working alone does has the flexibility of working at one’s own pace. But the learning is limited to the amount of knowledge the individual already possesses. Although working in a group can be a tough task at times, which can create differences of opinion, but different discussions and approaches do open unexplored avenues which lead to learning. For instance, a study states that employers prefer to hire individuals who are more efficient in working as a team than alone. This is the prime reason why children’s in schools and colleges are given projects which require them to work in a group.
To conclude, working in a group a person not only learns essential traits effective to work in a group. It even helps a person widens his horizons and gives detailed understanding, which can be achieved when working alone. Thus, it is completely preposterous to claim that a person learns more when working alone
Hi Ajay
Many thanks for your essay.Here are 2 quick red flags that will stop you getting Band 7.
1) Run-on sentence in the first line (punctuation)
https://app.getbeamer.com/ieltswithfiona/en/claptrap-run_on-sentences
2) Use of ‘opine’.
https://app.getbeamer.com/ieltswithfiona/en/words-to-avoid-opine
Best wishes
Fiona